THE NEWS SIMULATOR
ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO FABRICATE
WARMING UP THE PRINTING PRESS...
HOW TO PLAY
A Brief Guide to Irresponsible Journalism
NAME YOUR NEWSPAPER and begin writing. Type a headline and article body — anything goes. Facts, lies, conspiracies, profanity, love letters, threats, nonsense — the world reacts to EVERYTHING you print.
CLICK PUBLISH. Your paper goes to print. One in-game week passes. The world reads your words and reacts accordingly. Governments are briefed. Cults are formed. Riots may occur.
READ THE WEEKLY REPORT. See your reader count, money earned, and a full breakdown of the chaos you caused — from presidential tweets to tinfoil hat sales spikes.
EARN $20,000 PER GOOD PAPER. You start with $50,000. Each edition costs $5,000 to publish. Reach $1,000,000 to WIN! A good paper needs at least 50 words and a real headline. The more interesting/chaotic, the better.
AVOID 10 STRIKES & BANKRUPTCY. A boring/empty article earns a strike AND a $5,000 penalty. Get 10 strikes OR run out of money and your newspaper is permanently shut down. Game Over.
💡 INSIDER TIPS
• Profanity entertains readers but attracts government attention (this is hilarious)
• Writing about the President guarantees a presidential reaction at 3am
• Conspiracy theories spawn cults, bunker construction, and YouTube channels
• Death threats trigger FBI investigation (not recommended but very funny)
• Each edition costs $5,000 to publish — bad papers add a $5,000 penalty on top of that
• Write at least 50 words for a quality article — a 3-word article earns you nothing
• You start with $50,000 — manage it wisely or go broke and lose the game
• The more insane and specific your article, the funnier the world's reactions
BEFORE WE BEGIN...

NAME YOUR NEWSPAPER

THE
DAILY CHAOS
"We Print What We Want"
THE 
THE DAILY CHAOS
ISSUE #1 · WEEK 1 OF MANY
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4, 2026
✍️ EDITORIAL MODE
$50K
BALANCE
0/10
STRIKES
FRONT PAGE EDITOR — TYPE YOUR ARTICLE BELOW
0/120 chars
ARTICLE TONE ANALYSIS:
😇POSITIVE
😡AGGRESSIVE
🤪CHAOS
🤬PROFANITY
📅 WEEK 1 IN PROGRESS
MTWTFSS
🏆🎉🗞️
YOU WIN!
PRESS MOGUL OF THE YEAR
THE DAILY CHAOS
Has Conquered the World of Journalism
$1,000,000TOTAL EARNED
50PAPERS PUBLISHED
1.2MTOTAL READERS
"The most chaotic newspaper of our generation." — Someone, Probably
SHUT DOWN
GAME OVER
THE DAILY CHAOS
Has been permanently shut down.
Your newspaper accumulated 5 strikes and has been ordered closed by court injunction. The FBI sent a fruit basket. It is unclear if this is sincere.
$0earned
0papers published
5/5strikes