MAIL THIEF

A HappyStoner5420 Games Production

"Someone else's problems are your treasure"

Initializing federal crimes...

📖 HOW TO STEAL MAIL

W A S DSneak your criminally-inclined self around

MOUSELook around (click canvas to capture mouse)

SHIFTSprint — fast but noisy, very suspicious

ESteal mail from nearby mailbox

TABView your ill-gotten mail inventory

ESCPause / resume / close overlays

🎯 OBJECTIVE

Steal 6 pieces of mail from the neighborhood mailboxes, then haul ass back to your getaway car at the south end of the street to escape.

⚠️ THREATS

HOMEOWNERS patrol near their houses with a wide vision cone.
POLICE OFFICERS patrol the road with long-range vision.
Getting caught = immediate game over + humiliation.

💡 PRO TIPS (from a convicted mail thief)

NPCs have a vision cone — sneak behind them or stay out of range
The suspicion meter fills when you're spotted. It drains when you hide.
South-side mailboxes are closer but more exposed. North ones are safer... if you can cross the road
When chased, break line of sight for 6 seconds to lose them
This is a federal crime IRL. Please don't actually do this. Please.

⭐ CREDITS

A HappyStoner5420 Games Production

"Where every game idea is a federal crime simulator"

Game Design & Vision

HappyStoner5420

"I just really, REALLY hate getting my mail"

3D Engine

Three.js (doing the actual heavy lifting)

HappyStoner5420 (making boxes look like a neighborhood)

Sound Design

Web Audio API — 100% procedural beeps & boops

The constant ringing in your ears after this game

Special Thanks

Every HOA that has ever sent a fine

The IRS, for the endless creative inspiration

Whoever keeps mailing me pizza coupons at 2am

The concept of jury duty (and everyone it has wronged)

My neighbor Sandra (she knows what she did)

Legal Disclaimer

Mail theft is a federal crime (18 U.S.C. § 1708) punishable by up to 5 years imprisonment. This game is 100% fictional. HappyStoner5420 Games does not endorse, encourage, or provide instructions for actual mail theft. Unless it's HOA violation notices. Those you can absolutely take.

SIPS & SINS

LIQUOR STORE

Cash only. No questions.

🗃️

💵 YOUR CASH $0

🚔 BUSTED!

Mail Stolen:0

Prestige Points:0

Survived:0s

🎉 YOU ESCAPED!

Mail Stolen:0

Total Prestige:0

Time:0s

Close Calls:0

MAIL THIEF

MAIL
THIEF

📖 HOW TO STEAL MAIL

🎯 OBJECTIVE

⚠️ THREATS

💡 PRO TIPS (from a convicted mail thief)

⭐ CREDITS

A HappyStoner5420 Games Production

Game Design & Vision

3D Engine

Sound Design

Special Thanks

Legal Disclaimer

⏸️ PAUSED

📦 YOUR STOLEN GOODS

🚔 BUSTED!

🎉 YOU ESCAPED!

Your Glorious Haul:

MAIL THIEF

MAILTHIEF

📖 HOW TO STEAL MAIL

🎯 OBJECTIVE

⚠️ THREATS

💡 PRO TIPS (from a convicted mail thief)

⭐ CREDITS

A HappyStoner5420 Games Production

Game Design & Vision

3D Engine

Sound Design

Special Thanks

Legal Disclaimer

⏸️ PAUSED

📦 YOUR STOLEN GOODS

🚔 BUSTED!

🎉 YOU ESCAPED!

Your Glorious Haul:

MAIL
THIEF