1. You start with $50. Visit the BULK MARKET each morning to stock up.
2. 31 unique customers walk into your cursed café in a random order. Each one appears once.
3. Read the order. Pick a base. Add ingredients from your inventory.
4. Hit SERVE — outcome appears as a newspaper. Earnings refill your wallet.
5. The INSPECTOR visits during the run. If your record looks too grim, you'll hear about it.
Lose conditions:
· Kill all 31 customers → arrested.
· Send all 31 to hospital → café shuttered.
· Run out of money with an empty pantry → bankrupt.
Win condition: serve all 31 without triggering a lose state. The Inspector files the final report.
This is a satirical fictional simulation. All characters, chemicals, and consequences are absurdist comedy. Do not attempt anything depicted here in reality. Drink real coffee responsibly.
Open 4am – 6am. Cash only. No questions.
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All progress will be lost. There is no save file. There never was.
If your browser refuses to close the window, just close this tab. The café will rebuild itself in your absence.