🔰

BADGE & BULL****

Police Report Simulator — The Job Nobody Wanted

v1.0.0 — happystoner5420 Games!

📋 HOW TO PLAY

YOU ARE A COP. A tired, underpaid, over-caffeinated officer who has seen too much. Your job? Write police reports.

  • 🚔 You'll be assigned a crime scene with suspects, witnesses, and all the chaos that comes with it.
  • ✍️ Write whatever you want in the report. Be accurate, lie through your teeth, be poetic, or completely unhinged — it's your call.
  • 👨‍✈️ Your Police Chief will read the report and react. Say something stupid enough and you'll hear about it.
  • ⚖️ A Judge reviews the report and delivers verdicts. NPCs can get jail time, fines, community service, or walk free entirely based on what YOU wrote.
  • 📁 Each New Game is a fresh session — no saves, no continuing. Fresh start, fresh crimes, same broken system.
  • 🏆 Build a reputation — score points for creativity, humor, accuracy, or sheer audacity.
  • ⚠️ This game is R-RATED. Dark humor, mature themes, absurdist fiction. If you're easily offended — get a different job.

💡 Tip: The more creative your report, the more entertaining the reactions from your Chief and the Judge. Don't be boring — boring cops don't get promoted.

🏆 CREDITS

happystoner5420 Games!

"We Make Games So You Don't Have To Go Outside"

GAME DESIGN & VISION
happystoner5420
PROGRAMMING
happystoner5420
WRITING & DARK HUMOR
happystoner5420
ART DIRECTION
happystoner5420
AUDIO & SOUND DESIGN
happystoner5420
POLICE CONSULTANT
Chief Brenda "Iron Fist" Kowalczyk (Retired)
LEGAL CONSULTANT
Judge Honorable T. Picklesworth III
SPECIAL THANKS
Coffee, Donuts, and the entire cast of C.O.P.S. (the TV show)
DEDICATED TO
Everyone who has ever had to fill out paperwork at 3am

⚠️ This game is a work of fiction. All crimes, suspects, and scenarios are fictional and for entertainment only. Any resemblance to actual crimes, criminals, or bureaucratic nightmares is purely coincidental (or deeply concerning).

🚔 NEW GAME — OFFICER INTAKE

Welcome to the Ridgemont City Police Department. Pop. 247,000. Crime rate: "Alarming." Coffee machine in break room: Broken. Good luck, rookie.

👨‍✈️
Chief Brenda Kowalczyk

"Listen up, rookie. You write clean reports, you keep your job. You write garbage, I make your life hell. We clear? Good. Now get to work before I reassign you to traffic patrol in downtown at 5pm on a Friday."

🔰
Officer John Doe Patrol Officer
CASES 0
REP 0
CONVICTIONS 0
RIDGEMONT CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT
OFFICIAL INCIDENT REPORT — FORM IR-7
Case Ref: ---
0 words
---
---

EXIT GAME?

You sure you want to abandon your post, Officer? These crimes aren't going to document themselves. Probably.

RETURN TO MAIN MENU?

All progress will be lost. Your reports will be shredded. Your NPC criminals will walk free. Are you really going to let them win?

RIDGEMONT CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT
CONFIDENTIAL CASE BRIEFING — EYES OF ASSIGNED OFFICER ONLY
Case #: ---
---
---
Loading Case...
📍 --- 🕐 ---
⚖️ CHARGES FILED
🚨 SUSPECTS / PERSONS OF INTEREST
👁️ WITNESSES ON RECORD
🔍 EVIDENCE COLLECTED
📋 INITIAL SCENE REPORT
📄 INVESTIGATIVE NOTES
✏️ YOUR PRE-REPORT NOTES (OPTIONAL)
⚠️ You are the assigned officer. What you write in the official report determines the outcome.